I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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