We won't sleep together?
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
