get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
