I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
