That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
