we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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