still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
