I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he fucked my hip out of place.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
