You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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