and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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