Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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