mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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