Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
