everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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