Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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