My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
