I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
