Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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