So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
