Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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