woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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