I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I wear drunk well.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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