we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
