I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
