8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Randomize
