ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
