I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
