I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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