I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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