I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
