i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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