Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
