The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
