I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
