Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
