Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
