i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
