hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
