I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
