I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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