Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
