you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Terrible idea I love it
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
