yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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