the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
