He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
