used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
