I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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