At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
