My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
