I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
