4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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