I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
