My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
