There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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