Can i not drive my cunt home
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
