I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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