bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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