Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
